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Mighty Mouse

Aaron Holtz: "Dad" Of the MI

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ECAD7A5E723C3176C9B54075FE7A5B8F699BFB47
[Photo of Aaron Holtz in the records of the Federation]
 
Lawful Neutral
Renegade<███████ | ███████>Paragon

Sanity/Moral
Broken Mind <███████|██████|█████> Clear Minded


General Information

Name: Aaron David Holtz
Aliases: Doltz, Eagle Eyes, Dad(?)
Faction: Mobile Infantry
Age: 25
Place of Birth: Terra.
Status: Alive
Known Languages: English, French (Major, ASL)
Mental Illnesses: PTSD, Depression.
Physical Disabilities: Missing right pinkie|| Missing Left Leg || Synthetic Jaw||
Occupation: Soldier, Staff Sergeant
Motto: "I'm getting too old for this."
Weight: 185 Lbs
Height: 5.7
Hair Color: Light Brown
Eye Color: One Blue, One Green

COMMENDATIONS:
General Specialization x [Count Unknown]
Purple Heart x [Count Unknown]
Campaign Ribbon - 0.0
Campaign Ribbon - Hesperus
Federal Defense Medal x [Count Unknown]
Mobile Infantry Distinguished Service Medal x [Count Unknown]

Mobile Infantry Cross x [1]
Demeanor: Calm, To himself, Father Like.
Habits: Watching the stars, Mumbling to himself.
Phobias: Atychiphobia (The fear of messing up), Thanatophobia (Fear of losing loved ones)
Marital Status: Widowed
Mental State: Sane
WEAPON(S): DMR, MK2, MK3, MK4
OUTFIT: Basic MI Gear, Scratched up helmet and Armor
SPECIALIZATIONS: Weaponry, Path Finder School.
JOB: Mobile Infantry
FAVORITE ITEM(S): A Wedding Ring || Jack's Dog tags || An old Tape which has 'Sonja's Mix' written on the front ||



RELATIONSHIPS: Family of the MI
(To be built later: Make it easier for me, Request!)
Lover/Romantic feelings/ Trusted/Amiable / Respected / Acquaintance / Known / Neutral / Mixed / Particular/Exceptional Dislike /  = Sanity / † = Deceased

 

Spoiler

R.Shaw: "Shaw, Holy shit what can I say about him! He's like a brother. He took me under his wing when I was.. what a private? Honest to god, He's the best damn leader I've ever met. I'm more than proud to die for him, to be by his side. If there was anyone I was willing to die for more than anyone? It'd be Shaw. Too bad he and Beuno didn't work out, I rather enjoyed the pair. He says he found someone else.. maybe? Hell I'm not sure he might be lying. None the less, Shaw. He's one of my best friends, it's always a joy to have talks with him. Hm..I haven't done that in a while.. I should go talk to him.."

 

S.Bently: "The more we talk, the better I understand the man. As of late he and I speak about what's on his mind, may it be something that bothers him. Or just pure company of each other. He has quickly become a much more trusted friend to me, though I don't think he sees me as a close friend just yet, but. We are getting there. He spoke to me a lot how he doesn't truly accept the father like role in the Platoon. Where I do not blame him, I can only help guide him to see that it isn't as bad as he thinks it to be. I hope the best for this man. Though I am only one of his NCO's. I will do all in my power to better than man. Things I wish I did such a long time ago. I can make up for lost time now. It's just one step at time. Taking it slowly is the best thing to do with Bently. He's a good man. I think he just needs someone to talk to. Just like I do. I think this will work out just fine."

 

B.Taylor: "A fellow Sergeant within the Mobile Infantry. I recall our first meeting when I was pinned down at a building edge. Attempting to fight back a platoon or so on my own. He came up and aided me when I needed it. From that point on we became good friends. He is a silly man, that is for sure. Makes me groan and laugh even in the middle of a fire fight against seps. Or holding a base with bugs. He keeps the mood light. I hope I can befriend him a little more. It'd be nice to have an old crew again. Again this man keeps me laughing and happy as can be, gotta say he's most likely my best friend on this fucking ship. Was that unexpected? By far yes. Taylor is a fun man, always likes to play games, joke around, but when it gets down to it. He's the best trooper to have at your side. Race you to the top. Youngin' "

 

N. Hawthorne"A new friend. Honestly a new great friend for the harsh times I've had. Finally. Having someone this close to me feels wonderful again. Though our jokes are horrible. It makes us all laugh and I cannot complain in the slightest about that. Hawthorne is a pleasure to talk to, a kind woman. And honestly she's pretty funny when she wants to be. Though using her evil little brain tricks on me. I'll remember that in the future. Fuckin' Psi's."

 

V.Faust: "This young trooper is one I can trust with my life. And that's saying a lot seeing how I've made it through god knows how many battles, wounds, and all the kind. - But why do I say such a thing to someone I don't know that well? It's because she has always followed my orders, covering fire with her Mark two, as well as giving worry toward the troopers around her. I think one day she'll make a great trooper to aid me in leading others. But I won't push her into that. As long as she keeps up the good work. I only see good things coming her way. -- I've seen her grow now, she has become what I hoped and even more so, this makes me rather proud and happy that she is still alive after all this time. She's become on of the best Machine Gunners around, besides myself. I'm kidding, but she has grown to become someone smart, powerful, she has much to learn still and I will keep her under my wing till I bite the bullet."

 
S.Freeman: "He and I go quiet a ways back. I'm shocked to see he is within the medical field but then again. I'm a Warrant at the time of writing this. So. Things change. This change I feel is more for the best, He's seen the horrors for war right besides me. I hope he is in good health. We haven't spoken much, here and there we've spoken about our past, but at times to me that is..tiring. I'm the one who's always on about the past. We've...been through a lot. Though he worries me, he's like that..little brother around me."
 
L. Parker: "Lily Parker. One of the oddiest things to ever happen to me upon this very ship. Not only was I mistaken for who they were as a person. I never noticed how much we had in common. How much we suffered the same loss, almost fight for the same things. She has been on my ass about being depressed. I never thought about it with out her guideance that I maybe truly was one. - But this isn't the point of this log. It's about her, how much I misjudged is something that cannot be forgiven. I only hope to her I am a dear friend to her as she is to me. Even if my emotions around her are...confused. -- Still very much so confused, I hope she isn't mad at me."
 
L. Hartwick: "A young trooper who has a great heart. All that he does is for the better of the unit. As far as I am tracking. In my eyes he will make a great leader, a better NCO. It's just the steps getting him there is a long road. As...annoying as that may be, he isn't hard to talk to. I've given him a joke or too. Taken him under my wing per-say. I need to talk to him more about his personal life, again. That will come in time."
 
T. Bronson: "Now this was a friend I was never expecting to find. A damn good engineer and the lover of Tanner. - She too has lost her jaw in a way very close to of my own. This being said we have spoken a lot as she awaited her replacement. Got to sit her down a few times too and just..talk. About anything, whatever came to mind and it felt so nice. I would love to get to know her more, I do. I respect the hell out of her. But I wanna get to know the true Bronson, Rather than the Engineer face she puts on."
 
J. Cutter"Well, she was our Master Sergeant. Though her time helping Third and Second I think spread her too thin. Which I don't blame her for. Overall she's a great trooper. - She seems tired though. That's coming from me,  can't say I see her drop much. Don't blame her. I get tired of it too. She has given me some advise on my life, something I didn't expect. Rather nice to be on the other side of the coin. - She's a nice person. Hopefully we can be good friends.."
 
L. Flowers: "Ah. Flowers. This is a trooper I hold very close to my heart. Not in a romantic sense, but I've taken her under my arm. She has a wonderful mind, she could one day make a fine leader. But it'll take time for her to recover. I am flattered that she comes to me for advice. Whenever she needs something it seems I'm the go to kind of guy. I won't..lie to you it makes me feel rather special. Let me have that. But she does good work, follows commands, uses her head which I can't say about most troopers when they start out. She has made mistakes, yes. She has learned and grown from such a thing. I am proud of her. Hopefully she will learn to trust in others once more."
 
C. Sawyer: "A very kind woman who is a TAC pilot. Callsign Fox. - She and I have had a few talks on her comission as well as her personal life. It was rather easy to get to know her but the emotions right now I feel are confused and out of place. She seems to care, but is also a free kind of spirit which...I guess doesn't fit with who I am now days. Maybe back when I was a young man. But not anymore. - This doesn't mean I don't see her as a great friend, someone who will listen to those in need."
 
MKuznetsov: "An old trooper who is unlike most aboard the ship. He recalls me from a time before. I cannot tell you how much I enjoy this man. He knows his job he knows it quite well and I cannot wait to see him grow. Over and over he has impressed me with how he works as a trooper. But at the same time I cannot help but worry that I am getting too close to this one. A friend none the les."
 
A. Saint-Laurent: "A friend. God a good friend if I ever had one. I feel horrible sometimes. though. I do tend to take the people she's trying to talk to away from her. I swear that's not my fault. She has a heart of gold. A mind like no other. She.. - How do I put this. She honestly cares about me and just as a friend. Someone I can go to and just sit down. Talk, laugh, and know at the end of the day she'll have my back. -- I still think she joined the wrong branch. Could have made one hell of an NCO."
 
C. Miller: "A young medic who has honestly made me laughed a lot harder than anyone on his ship has in a long time. He's a wise crack and as much as he says he's pure. I find it rather hard to believe as.. his mannerism from what I've seen. Can be flirtatious. Maybe I'm just reading into what he says too much. But he is a good kid, fun to talk to. Hopefully we will get to talk more in the future. We shall see what the future holds."
 
R.Burke: A new medic, A new soul to the Federation. She's so sweet and kind to have around. Her talks mean something to you when you listen to her, and when she listen to you it makes you feel rather content. Though she has had some of a bad past, at least that's how I took it. Currently she's one of the best. Okay well In my eyes. One of the best medics we have on this ship. She looks after her own, the MI, and checks in on those who have been wounded. I think she will rise to the top in no time." 
 
V.Dominiko: "I enjoy this man. Though we have spoken very few talks. I've noticed he's a man who makes any time enjoyable. I don't know his story. Though I wish to find out. This being said I enjoy what I've seen with him on the field. I don't have much to say about this man. Besides the time we watched a movie as a group. Movie Night with the Bois."
 
J. Williams"A young man I quickly pushed through the ranks. He has a heart of gold, but..he also is very young to the Federation, Which gives him time to learn of who he wishes to be. I hope soon he is to replace me though as a Sergeant. He's not quite there yet where I need to watch him closely. He's getting there. But still. I wanna keep this one safe more than ever. - Williams I think is a bit jumpy around me. I know as of late I've been working rather too hard on myself which has affected my mood. I should take a step back and make sure he's okay."
 
S. Oswald: A rather odd trooper, She has a long line of history within the military. She spoke to me about this when she just came to the ship. I see that she can be a good leader. But she has GOT to stop being so formal. And a little racist towards ...Well she calls us Americans Yanks. Haven't heard that term used in a very long time. But I can tell you she needs to allow her leadership to work. Don't get me wrong I see a lot in her. Right now, I have to keep a close eye on her...Fuckin' brits.."
 
C. Donovan: "A young trooper. I don't know much about her other than she used to hate Engineering, Then became an Engineer. - She's been around for sometime which is shocking that our paths haven't really crossed before. Not much more I can say. She..She seems like the kind of gal who just needs a hug. Just don't expect it to be from me."
 
S.Emmett: "A young and rather jumpy Psi-ops operator. He does his job amazingly well. Guides me when I need to get bugs the fuck out of my way. Gets the seps we miss. Though I feel as if he is scared of me, perhaps it was from the RnR when I shot him in the leg. - One day he will understand I did that to save his life, Kill orders are something I follow but it's very hard to follow through when it's on a young boy. Hopefully one day he can forgive me, I hold nothing against him."
 
 
E. Asper:  "I don't know her too well, which is a shame honestly. We have spoken very minimal. Once on a mission for no more than...an hour. But from what I understand and hear from the troopers is that she's a good NCO. I have nothing bad to say about her, should I get to know her? Perhaps. I know that she is a staff sergeant. In fact the only one I really see around here. That is a shame. Yet the little interaction I had with her wasn't bad. She did her job well. Some could learn from her. All I can do is help guide them along."
 
B. Tanner: "A young man who I have also taken under my wing. Though me and him are more silly than I am with Hartwick, perhaps just in a different way. Who knows it's rather hard to express over a log.  He too, is one of the few that call me dad, but on the battle field he is an stand up trooper. Young, Smart, but can be foolish when he runs around trying to supply. He means well, but that could get him killed. Soon. I hope he will rise a little further. Replacing the old and in with the new."
 
A. York: "For as long as they've been on this ship, I haven't really gotten to know this one. I recall them being an Engineer at one point.. then back to Marauders once more. Got married to the Engineering lead such a long time ago. I have some times mixed feelings but Byrd does keep me grounded around her marauders. York is something else, she is a good trooper. But I need to get to know her on a personal level. Which is easier said than done."
 
O. Graham: "A trooper who is always on the bounce, asking the questions to every single NCO. He wants improve himself, make himself the better NCO. Which I can respect ten fold. - I just hope he and I can talk more, less about work. Because I swear that boy only talks about work, he needs a hobby. Maybe even a partner. I know it helped me when I was younger." 
 
M.Valentine"Young. Very young is what the first thought that comes to mind when I think of Valentine. This. Isn't a bad thing.She's the gunny. I can't say I know her too well but I do enjoy talking to her. She can be ballsy at time. Which I mean she will never back down from a dare, at times that worries me but it shows quiet well when she doesn't back down in the face of danger. She and I need to talk more. And soon. She and I have become friends. I enjoy this. It's nice to make more friends along the way and to feel as if I'm going back to my old self. I hope she understands that she is truly a good friend. Someone I can talk to Mess with even. She has gone through some things I dare not say. I just pray that she has peace of mind. "
 
J.Knoxx: "Knoxx is a trooper who can take my humor. Then again. I don't really have much of one. She's fun to talk to when I get the chance. But all in all. I don't have much to say about this one, I wish I did, I just haven't really gotten to know her as much as I hoped. Though. It's not to say I don't see her around the ship time to time. She seems to be doing well thus far. Im shocked she's still alive, I mean shit I thought she would have died ages ago but nope here she is, looking to get an NCO again."
 
K. Geier: "Ever know what a Penal Bat is like? I sure do. Thanks to you. You know we can't avoid talks. We have to face each other one day or another. You may not have seen the change in me, but I can't really show myself to you. Seeing how fucking angry you make me. The fucking PAIN you put me through. -- You don't think I miss her too? Christ Geier I want Rhodes back too. But love and anger can make our emotions go all over the place. Hopefully. We can talk. Until then. Stay mad, I can't change your mind. It's sad to see how far we have fallen. Because I recall the days at the bar where we used to laugh, make fun of each other. You might not recall them. But I do. I miss that. We've both taken different paths, it shows. For better or worse. We will face each other once again." 
 
J.Choi: "I understand her banter is all in good fun, but there are times she takes a sexual joke over the line. Which makes me feel rather uncomfortable being around here. That being said she isn't a bad person, she got fucked up on a drop, moved to fleet. But ever since then, we haven't spoken much on a personal level. I know she hangs around the MI a lot, I mean that's not bad but. It's odd to see a Fleet around a room full of MI. Never forget your roots I guess." -- "What have you done, You stupid fucking fool. I'll see you hang. Cheers to that."
 
SgtMaj. Moss: "Never in my life have I ever feared and hated a man so much. Though I can say as a young trooper he was ..the one to whip me into shape. Literally. Did I EVER expect to see him again!? No! How is he alive?! The fucker is evil and I'd say almost as bad as Larsen. Horrifying thought to me if you ask me. I've known the man for a long time. He loves to beat me constantly. - I think one of these days I'm gonna snap a commit a war crime."

 

 
 
 
TRANSFERS / RETIRED
Spoiler

 

 

F.Sorrentino"Franco! Haha! Holy fucking shit I haven't been this happy in months. It's glad to have a fellow member of the Reapers back on the ship. 99th. Hah.. Erugh. I don't know who I've become I think this is my wake up call huh? I never used to be so mad, I never used to be so snappy, and I was always calm. - With Franco's aid and help, I will become who I truly am. In time. I digress, this man and I go way.. waay ..waaaaaayyy back, He used to be our Staff Sergeant while I was the lonely medic of the Platoon. It..it wasn't an easy job, but having him back I feel calm.."

G.Maclagan: "A true battle brother. He and I have been through a lot together. If you asked me how we got so close so quickly I wish I could tell you. I don't know. We bonded in a week, trading stories, laughing, drinking. Making fun of each other in a way I could feel happy. - Now, I can say he's one of the closer people to my heart. I care deeply for this man. Though he has seen me at my worst, and never my best. Us running the Specialist program I hope sheds light on my true colors. No matter the wars we have fought together, or how long the journey for both of us has been. I'm glad we still have each other."

 

F. Esposito: "Don't EVER Fucking EVER hold me down when I am being beaten. Other than the fact of that, Frank. I still think of you as one of my closest friends. Sure at the start I hated your guts, and even a little down the line I hated you some more. *cough* holdingmedown *cough* Ooh, got something caught in my throat. Ah well. Frank, you're a dear friend. But still an asshole. But one of the ones I trust, make sure not to fuck up. Okay?" -- Hey bud, seems you can't hold me down anymore, haha, beating the shit out of me. Fun times, kill yourself for that though. I miss you man, I miss our talks, I miss our little competitions. Stay safe.."

A. Takugawa: "A good man, better medic. He's a old one and has seen the worst of my actions. I am unsure why he hasn't forced a medical eval. I mean I haven't been in the best state of mind of where I have been. Though I have been improving. - I wonder if he sees that. -- He's still a good friend, I wish we talked more. He is far too busy.."


V.Pacheco: "She means a lot to me now. More than I once thought. She's been there for me ... a lot to say the least. She treats me with respect, love, care too. I truly look to her as a mother, one that is indeed. Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on once in a while. Though, I don't think she knows how much she means to me now. She thinks I'll get my rank back soon. I an only hope. I rather enjoyed serving under her command."


D.Hawkins: "Hawkins! I love Hawkins, holy shit dude. Hawkins is someone you can always trust on the field and back on the ship, Hell it's always fun to talk to her. She has given me great advise on how to be a leader, how to forget the things I have done. To shape me into a better person over all. I almost went to the Major General and asked to be moved to Intel, just to work with Hawkins. Now she's with the MI. I couldn't be happier. I wonder if her and Shaw are really a thing. I hope so, they'd be cute."

J.Duvall: "I love this guy, what a great kid! He doesn't say much. Never yells. Hah, That's the joke, he's a mute. No I think he's gonna go far. Though I'm not sure how he's gonna talk.. I've always wondered what would happen if we put him in a leadership roll.. honestly though. To tell a bit of this kid, He's smart, he knows what to do even when I don't have to order around. He's one of my cloesest friends, In the field I know he will have my back, Mute, is one of a kind. One day.. we'll get those seps who ripped your cords out. But for now, Mr.Roboto will be your friend. Hang in there Dunvall... we're here for you. MUTE I STILL LOVE YOU TO DEATH. "

N.Dimov: "There are alot of things I could say about Nikolai. Some good, some bad. I love him, I really do, He's kinda like the father I never wanted. Yet I still have him. He knows how to lead, and does a damn well good job of making sure I'm safe. I'm honored to serve with him. Great friend. I worry about his anger though. -- On the note of anger, Man do I feel a l ot late towards him. You know, Beating me was so much fun. Serioulsy, That pissed me the fuck off. Next time he tries that shit I'll fight back. -- Welp, Couldn't stay mad. He's too dear to me. Damn it. -- Asshole, leaving me as well. Rest easy old man."

 

V.Delatorre: "I gotta say, Del here has become a close friend of mine. Even if I don't agree with some of the things he tells me. He's a damn fine leader. I'd say one of the best we have abaord. I've taken his words to heart which I like to think has made me a better leader myself. -- See Del. YOu can always trust him. He's always there for you and that's something you hardly see now days, sure, he's a bit rough around the edges. But that doesn't make him anyless of a friend. Though, times, I have wanted to fight him, other times I have wanted to hug him. There are so many things I could keep rambling on over and over again. I mean seriously. This guy has told me so many great things, how to trust others. Where to lead, when to back off. His leadership if you can't tell is what sticks out to me. And even if he won't admit it. His kind heart is still there too. He's grumpy time to time. But he still cares. At least I think so"

 

O.Dresdner: "God what an ass, no, no I'm kidding. Honestly, I love the guy. I can always count on him to go above and beyond to help me out. If I have a question, he always has an answer. You know, I thought he died a while back. He is unclear of how, and when he truly got back. Damn "Pathfinder" If you could call them that. Eh, What can you do?"

M.Williams "Spooks! He's quiet the character. My god, he's scary too. Nice! But scary. I respect him, What he does keeps us safe. Though I don't think I can really play him in cards. None the less, I don't know him as well as I wish to. I hope that changes. I enjoy him. -- Did you die? I miss you spooks."


R.Harbringer:
"I fear the day someone pisses this man off enough that he snaps. He's a damn good friend . He was in my squad a few times when I was a leader, me and him worked like gears. Always spinning and moving. He's one of the people I want in my squad at all times. He's loyal. He has faith in me as well. Which now days is all I need to keep me going. Sadly we don't talk as much, he's far too busy dealing with out weapons. I hope he comes out soon. I kinda miss him."

 

S.Breeland: "Ah, Breeland. The newest of the Master Specialists to join our ranks. Well Marauder wise that is. It is nice to have someone to open up to, she and I spoke a lot about our pasts. I felt bad for what she went through, though I know how it felt first hand. Simply, I wish to see her safe. I hope in time that I can see her rise through the ranks. But I will have to keep an keen eye on her." 
 
A. Volker: "Volker, I've heard that name somewhere. I bet it's my poor memory but, As far as I recall he's not a bad man. An upcoming leader if I do say so myself. - But. This could just be me. Watching in the shadows of the 112th just thinking, providing my thoughts to no one. I mean that's why I have this log right? It's for me. I digress. Volker is a good man, haven't fully seen what he can do just yet. But I can't wait to see how he works coming into the new ranks he will earn."

A.Thacker: "This one. Hm. Mrs. Thacker. She is one that I think I feel rather.. protective of. Due to the fact I have seen what the horrors of war can do to someone like her. She reminds me a lot of what I used to be like before I lost my friends, Scared, Jumpy. But then again she was a POW just like me. I think that's why I relate to her. I just wanna make sure she doesn't snap like I did. She is a kind soul, though her time adjusting to the ship is...taking longer than I would have thought, then again I never knew what happened to her with the ThanSol. Lord only knows what could have happened. Though I do plan to get her to open up more, to...trust in others once again. Perhaps taking her under my wing is something I should do. I digress. She's kind, yet scared, sweet, but to herself. Again. Much like how I used to be. She'll open up soon enough to where we can all see that darling smile once again. I hope.."

 

A.Dominica: "I never really got to know you back when I first was on the ship. Glad to see you've made Sergeant. But I won't lie. Uh, The way she talks is rather uhm. Hm. Odd. And I find it some times to be annoying but that may just be me? Maybe they like it more than I do and I guess I'll just have to come to terms with that. She seems to be a good leader, I guess. I haven't seen her in charge of a drop but then again who am I to judge. I was shitty as fuck before I left. - But in all honesty? She's someone you can rely on. Always asking if someone needs help in her own..odd way.."

 

  S. Ruse: "Ruse. She's what I think ADHD and a sugar high mixed into what a human would become. I mean, don't get me wrong she's a good trooper, gets the job done but..At the same time I honestly worry about her, she for some odd reason wants me to join the Engineers. Honestly I've thought about it but I can't say I would really enjoy my time there. I'm getting off track. I can trust her in the field that's for damn sure. It'll take time for me to get to know her as person though."
 
A.Tschenkowtisch: "I honestly don't know much about this man. Though he seems to have a some what of a good head on his shoulders. He goes by the name of Lick. Why? I am scared to ask. None the less he seems to be a good man. I just, don't really know what more to say on this matter. He is..Lick? Lick is him. Lick. God damn it I have to know why the hell he is called that."
 
E.Shepard: "He's a man who yells a lot oat bugs, I mean he yells a lot. Almost annoyingly so. BUT I will give credit where credit is due. Give the man a Machine Gun and he will get the job done. May it be a simple bug to gun down. Or taking a small objective to just blast. - Though his boldness and wrecklessness. Makes me scared for his safe well being. If he has a partner. I fear for them too. Because they must have one hell of a ride with this young man." 


E.Dallas: "What a sweetheart, I mean sure our jokes are rude and vulgar. The best kinds of jokes. For some ODD REASON. I CARE ABOUT THIS WOMAN. -- Why? Maybe because she doesn't take shit, Or perhaps I respect her keen sense of humor, I don't know. Somethin' about her makes me seem to trust her. We should talk more, hell I'll ask her for a drink. I think I'll do that.. maybe. Is that a wise thing to do? I don't drink anymore, And I have a sinking feeling that she is gonna out drink me. No, No I'm SURE she could out drink me. None the less, I want to get to know this woman more, hell, we can swap POW stories."


J. Immelmann: "Boy oh boy did I used to hate you. I mean, Seriously. Hard core I wanted to kill you hate. But.. you've seen to caught me off guard. I like you, your leadership is sound. But you're nor I am ready for such a roll. One day we shall earn our ranks back. I don't regret breaking your nose. -- Where the fuck did you go?"

Kastner: "Honestly, Kastner is a good young kid. But, I don't know them too well, tried to hit on a few times before. I'm honestly unsure of her marraige, She kissed Winters once. That was fun to learn about, gave Winters shit about that for a few days. But, back on track, Kastner seems chill, not sure where her loyalty stands."

G.Murphy: "A kind woman. Very sweet. She seems to be growing closer to me. For that I thank her, I could always use more friends.. More than ever. I hear.. she is with Clair. I was a damn fool to have a crush on her.. Ah.. I hope they work out.. seem to be a cute pair. "

M.Alais: "She took a beating, I gave it to her none the less. I've stopped.. being so cold towards her. I hope she and Holly work out. God Knows what I'll do if Alais breaks this young girl like she broke me. I pray to god, they live their days out with each other. I still wish to have my friend Alais back.. but that will take time"

H.Thomas: "Ah.. yes. The lover of Alais. Honestly I'd be lying if I said.. once I learned.. of the two becoming a thing. Rather annoyed, hurt, and anger. Yet that is in the past. She makes Alais happy, and Alais makes her happy as well. She is a nervous trooper around those she doesn't know. Yet a good person. She seems to have warmed up to me, and I her. We've had our talks of the past, and what we wish to do further a long the road. Ah.. I hope she and Alais work out. As long as someone on this ship can have a successful relationship. Perhaps, there is still hope for others."

Gnome: "Fucking funny guy, I love him to death. Yet theres a lot I don't know about him. In fact I know very little. I do know a few things, he won a car. He crashed his car, and he is rich because of a drag race, But seriously. This man I do trust, I trust him a lot. With my life? Maaaaybbbe no that far.We're getting there slowly.

C.Moreau: "I haven't gotten to know the ...uh.. Spunky? Moreau too well, we've talked a lot when we were low ranks. I kinda miss our late night talks, I liked the porn talk, that was fun. Though currently. I am really worried about her mental state, I hope she is ok.. I need the medics to be ok. They do so much around the fucking ship, God, I'm glad I'm no longer a medic."

A.Stafford: "I can't wait to get to know this young kid more. From what I've seen he does good shit.. a good man. He saved Holly, I heard that story. He is always kind towards me. I do enjoy talking to him time to time. Even if.. it's hard to understand him.. I hope we become friends soon. EDIT: Where are you?"

 

G.Logan: "I know very little about he man himself, but I do know about his valor in the field. Or would it be stupidty? Depends who looks at the man. He doesn't feel pain. Or emotions for that matter, if he does I cannot tell. - Now that's a disorder I can get behind. Would make war a lot easier."

O.Stellveter: "I know little to nothing about him." 

Salem: "Ah..yes the Captain Salem. He is a fellow I rather enjoy talking to. I mean that. Though he is rather unsettling. He seems to hide a lot about himself. Hell he even says his shocked I'm still in the MI. Not sure what he mean by that. Though, I do hope to get to know the man more. He strikes me as a man of many stories, and one of a dark past as well."


Tidbit: "Alright so they're little less of a child."

E.Cartell: "Another Intel officer. God damn how many did we need on this ship? Young kid though. Very, Very young. She seems shy, I wanna get to know her but whenever I try. Something always happens. Either a fight, or, a drop. I still wish to know her.. she seems nice"

K.Harrell: "So uh, Harrell. You're an odd one who has slightly pissed me off. You not only attempted to harm James, but you did so while saying you loved her. - If I recall correctly and if the dates line up. You had a boyfriend. I can only assume the worst of what this could have been. Trying to steal James away from me for your own self gain. What the hell has gotten into you?


J.Martin: ''She's gone. You know I thought I'd be happy about that.. I was.. wrong. She made Dimov happy, I hope their marriage works out."

 


†GRAVE YARD†

Spoiler

 

 Caine: "What do you mean Caine is dead? What!? No, fuck you. Caine died? Holy fuck... no.. god no, please.. I've know Caine when he was a bloody fucking boot. I trusted him with my life, I saw him leading by my side but, holy shit he's dead? I've lost another friend.. another.. brother in arms. Caine, if you see this. I miss you..I hope it's nice up there."

†Griggs:"Holy Shit. Griggs you dumb sack of shit! You weren't suppose to die, Not fucking yet! God damn it, God damn it I didn't even get to say I'm sorry, I didn't even get to have that one last drink with you. Griggs I'm sorry. I'm sorry how I treated you towards the end. I'm sorry couldn't of helped. Griggs I'm .. I'm sorry."

†Warren: "No..no..nono! NO! Warren god damnit.. Please not you oh god my brother. My little brother of the MI is gone. Oh my god, I can't. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep losing those I love. What am I fighting for. What am I even doing here? I miss my family. I miss Warren, I miss Caine, I miss Banks. I miss Ryuu, Why do they all keep dying. I just want.. I don't know anymore. Warren I miss you so much."

†D.Raske: "Wow.. I didn't.. see this one coming. Didn't he just come back? Christ what bad luck.. Dag, you're one of the best medics I knew.. It's a shame to see you gone. You.. were so young.. Nineteen..fucking hell.. that's too young.. you barely even started to live your true life..Rest in peace Dag.."

†M.Ilari: "I..I lost you too? Ilari! You fucking asshole! You were one of my best friends, fucker. You were gonna bake us some food when we got back, hell you were gonna go far! I bet you'd ..You'd of been a great ..Father, you were my brother. Ilari, we had some crossings that caused us pain, but, I didn't want you to die. Say Hi to Caine..Warren, Ryuu too..won't you?"


†S.Roloshalt: ""Only a mere child. It's a shame what happened to you. I wish yu got to know me, I wish I got to know you. You're the first person to die.. who I never got to call my friend. For that, I am sorry. Please forgive me. "

†Herzog: "Honestly not sure when you left us, How did I not notice the seer amount of annoyance leaving the ship. I kid, he was a good man. I wish I could have called him my friend, but, things didn't work out that way. Now did it."

†J.Entragain: "You.. Your death. Hit me the hardest. God Jack, I loved you so much. You were my brother you are! You ARE my brother. You told me that.. I was.. a kind man, a trooper you could trust. I had no idea, I had no idea when those words came out of your mouth, How much they'd mean to me. Jack.. I carry your dog tags where ever I go. It makes me feel like you're still by my side. I don'tthink you knew how loved you were. Which breaks my heart. So many people loved you, We all loved you Jack. . . I promised to keep Vond safe, I promise to keep the MI safe, I promise I'll bring them home.. I.. I won't let you down.. I love you Jack. "

†Sonja "Artemis" Alexandria: "Zero fucks. Huh.. You know, I met this Marauder not too long ago, She and I became friends rather quickly That is. When I finally got around to drinking with her. We had long talks about the paths we should take. She made me happy, she seemed to care about me. Hell she called me Aaron. No one calls m Aaron. Sure I asked her too only because I called her Sonja. Yet.. I had feelings for her. It would seem I hav- I had.. fallen for this Marauder. Before the drop, she gave me her tape player. I thought shed ask for it back! But. She never made it back that drop. She truly gave Zero Fucks. But that doesn't mean I don't miss her. I miss my friend. I miss the marauder who talked to me, who I felt.. romantically about. I didn't even get to tell you...Christ.. I need a drink."

†A.Dunbaal: "Everyone is dying. Why is everyone leaving why!? I can't. I can't keep losing people so close to me. i can't keep losng the ones I love. GOD. I ..I don't know, I can't think straight I can't even start to even ponder on what has happened. Dunbaal is gone. He's gone he's dead! He's dead.. he's.. gone.. I-I. What more.. does this war have to take from me, what more does this damn WAR WANT FROM ME. I'm tired of losing, I'm just wanting to gain some good. Dunbaal. Why. Of all the people why Dunbaal. -- Christ how's his wife going to take the news. If she's alive. Oh god.. I .. I need.. Time a lone. I need to think I can't.. I won't. I won't let his death go in fucking vain."

†H.Nasser: "You were so young... God so very young.. Yet you were my friend. Someone who had found their way into my heart. I respected you, I cared for you, I tried to make you laugh and smile the best I could. Hearing of what happened to you, of how I wasn't there. Maybe I could have saved you, or traded your place. I don't know, but what I do know is that I will miss you till the end of my days. You kept me happy, our long talks..our longer drinking sessions. You never failed to keep me giggling. -- So now I ask myself, why do such good people die, and if it's the good people that die what does that make me? I know I am no saint. . . . Sometimes, I wish I died with my friends. Heh.. What little I have left.. keep seeming to slip through my fingers... I'll have to make sure the ones I have left.. know they are loved by me. I'm sorry that I was too late to tell you how much you mean to me. Nasser, you were a dear friend. Till we meet again."

†Gastubashi: "HOW IS EVERYONE DYING WHAT THE FUCK MAN. Christ allmighty. Never got that drink.. or tools.. or get to shoot that nuke you promised.. maybe I will when I finally bite a bullet?"

 Poppy Holtz: "I..My god. I don't even understand why, who, how, what. How am I suppose to react, how am I suppose to function? I lost the woman I loved most, my wife, my daring wife, strong...caring. Doesn't help..we were going to have a family. - That's.. uh, N...I don't know what to say. I don't even know if I was a good husband, was I? I hope. I think. I know she loved me, I love her, ...I will always love her. Eurhg... Vond has helped me out, when I was in the 88th... took my mind off it for a while. I feel little to nothing now days, everyone I cared bout is gone. The infantry is the damned MOS. If anyone is reading this.. or if I'm writing this for my own sake of mind if I am doing this to keep my head on straight or if I can't stop thinking about her. Don't fall in love with someone, never. Fuck no. Do your job ,do your time, get the hell out of this place.. don't do what I've done. -- Not. Not a single day goes by that I don't miss my wife, everything feels so cold, dark, I feel so much anger. I push myself away from new people. I think I'll be okay with Vond and Shaw.. they haven't left my side. I'll be okay... I hope."


†C. Rhodes: "Wow, Even you had to die? Christ the bugs..or whatever the fuck got you.. erugh. Rhodes you and I had a hard road. I once called you a lover, then ...well we all know the story. Rhodes was a great friend, better medic, sure we had our fall outs but..still she wouldn't have let me died... I owe her the respect of anyone in the armed forces. Till we meet again."


S.Cronk: "..My dear friend. Cronk. He and I went through a lot. Many battles, and yet here I am typing away on this log. Cronk died in a way I know was painless. But then again I wish I could have been there to help further. In the end. The few that was part of the core have left. I miss him, I miss Cronk a lot. He was an amazing person, he put up with my jokes. Anyone who can do that has to have been someone who was...well crazy. But he was like the little brother I never wanted but had..I hope you rest easy my friend."

 

A.Moria: "A shame this one was nice, I had a fling with her a long time ago. Then again, she moved on to her own ways. I hope she found peace."

 

H. Simonovich: "A old friend, that's what you were. We had some flings we had some horrible times and yet you know what? I'm going to only remember those. In the end of times as you left the 112th. That's who I will remember. The man who saved my life time and time again, when we had drinks, got drunk, Laughed our days away with making fun of the new Privates. And now here we are, I'm typing away once more. Now you're with the stars I gaze at so much. Take care of Rhodes. I'll talk to you soon."


†T.Winters: "I was never informed of my best friends death. I guess time flys when you're a busy man. Though he may be gone... he and I went through the rough times, and yet we made it out alive. I can only assume this man died in the way he'd always tell me. Protecting those he loved. This death has hit me pretty hard, I won't show it too hard, but this is a matter I must live with. If he can watch over me in some kind of life, or in heaven. Shit maybe that bastard went to hell. Where ever that man is. I hope he's having one hell of a time."

F. Krautstag: "Once you leave a unit, and see all your friends on a wall with their names written down. It makes you think, hey that could have been me. I was so shocked to see that Kraut had bitten the bullet. I wish I could say more about this man other than he was one of my dear friends, he had problems at times but we always worked through it at the end of the day, we held onto each other in the darkest of times while we lost those we loved. And I'm here still. Still alive and kicking thanks to this man. Kraut. I hope you can rest easy knowing you did everything you could in life. May you have peace."

 

W.Matene"I didn't know this man on a personal level, I respected and somewhat feared him. He was grand in battle but then again the man carried a spear. Lord knows how he died."

 

J.Bryant: "Seeing this mans name on the block is...depressing. Before I left I took him under my wing, I tried to teach him all that I could but I found out maybe I was just a little too late on this. There is only so much one man can do but, I don't know what more I can say. The good are always taken for a reason. I just hope it was an easy death.."

 

M.Kowlaski: "Another good NCO, taken away. I wish I got to know her more when I was on the ship with her, I don't know how she died. Perhaps it's for the best I don't know. In life she was a great trooper, a better leader. Made me look like a shameful fucking private when she lead the unit one of the best Engineers I ever met. So many lives have been lost in this damn war, one can only wonder how much longer this can go for, how many more lives are to be taken until we win this. Or hell. Lose it."

 

D.Dumont"A medic like no other, a shame that he had to die, I am unsure of..what and what happened at the time but I can say that he was a good friend when he and I spoke, though there is a theme around these logs now days. I give a talk about a friend, how they died in combat. But no one seems to keep me updated when I'm not around, which is depressing. How many more troopers have to die in this horrible war."

 

 


Journal Logs

Spoiler

 

08/15/2297:  So, I've returned from the 88th. And. I guess it's been a few weeks from me coming back. I cant say it's truly the same thing I left. It's.. Never going to be the same and that I understand. I get it. It's not going to be easy to adjust to the new leaders, the new soldiers who have taken up the call of the Federation. But I guess I just need to reflect on my life. I know now that before the 88th I was a horrible leader. A worse Soldier who had nothing more than emotional issues who needed something to bring him back down to earth. Which was my wife. Who I lost. But here I am not as a broken man but one as who is to keep a promise he once kept. Bring them home. My best friend Jack Entragain on the day of his death. Screamed out to me as we were to lift off that I brought them home. I know he meant the squad, I know he meant the mission. Yet I've taken this to heart. I've made this my goal. I will bring ever soldier who comes with me back home. No matter the cost, no matter the wounds I may face as long as they make it back I think I can accept my own death when the time comes. I've been here too long. Seen so many faces leave. Yet so many new have also arrived. I'm slowly starting to make new friends around the ship. Kinda. More like I like messing with them and that's about it. Is it really that hard for me to open up to another person? I mean. I have Mac. But, I've slowly turned into a grumpy man like him. Can't say I didn't see this coming. I honestly think a lot of people never expected to see me back. Though I'm glad I did. Shaw is still kicking. It..it was amazing to see him again. I truly meant it when I said he is like an older brother to me. Though he is busy, every time we talk it's a nice time. He has yet to open up to me in full turn, but I still get bits and pieces from him. Right I went off track. Back to my own little thoughts of the unit. It's... uh. Something. It's something else. A lot of new privates need to learn their place, leaders need to take their calling and understand why we do things. But we have been soft. At least from what I've seen. Back when I was a Lance, and Corporal. ...Again. For. Like.. Six times? Christ I was a horrible person. Right, again, we were able to beat troopers and let me tell you it worked on me. I shaped up nice and quick. Am I thinking too much? Am I trying to relive the olden days of the 112th? Maybe. Maybe I should talk to one of the Medics, not..the Young ones I mean. Specialists, I love them. I do. I always have loved the medical core. They do gods work but I cannot just really see anyone. Perhaps there is a medical personal I have yet to me? Eh. Who knows. Unless they find this it'll be to my own accord. To have this small log close. I think I'll say I need to get to know the new ones around the ship. Gain a bond. Remake my Mobile Infantry Family...

 

08/18/2297: I think today's log is just my random thoughts. What do I really want to say? Why the fuck do I care for such new privates or troopers I know little about? Am I trying to prove something to myself due to the lose of all my own old war buddies? Perhaps. But then again, why bother trying to save those who won't accept their own fate? I have so many questions. I have so many things I need to know but I can't seem to get my head wrapped around a few ideas. Which..is worrisome for me. Even a few of the newer troopers have told me I need to talk to one of the medical troopers. But. I think they're wrong. I just think a lot. I like to think about my past, how much I've changed as a person. But. I've taken so many under my wing. Bryant, Ren, Faust, Thacker, a few others too. Why am I doing this? Why the hell am I trying to push these troopers to  be the best they can be? I want them to go farther than I could have, learn from what I messed up on..I don't know. Maybe I should talk to someone about this.

 

08/24/2997: I guess I'm warming up to the troopers again. Some seem to really enjoy me around. I also found a good friend, who now I see as family. Doom. Such an odd soldier but he was close to Poppy. For that, I will make sure to keep him safe. A promise to him and to her. - Which brings me to another point, I'm recovering still. How long has it been..? God the days just fly past you when you're here..so why does it hurt so much? I think it's simple really. I lost someone I hardly got to see as my new life had changed. It ended too quickly. I am currently just distracting myself from the ever pressing emotions of the past. Doomed not to repeat them, praying I don't. Knowing now I am a better solider puts my mind slightly at ease. . . . Do I miss the old crew? Yes, I always will. Am I willing to accept the new ones, the new troopers who make up the ship of the Audie Murphy? Yes. I cannot allow myself to be stressed out by trying to keep them all alive, which is what I did before I left for the 88th. I was stupid. I was horribly stupid. Lives come and go, I am not god, I cannot save them all and I know that now. It's taken me over seven years to learn this, sadly. I just kept hoping that I'd be able to save them all. Sad isn't it? - Though I think some are wondering why I mask my emotions most of the time, I have a feeling soon I'm going to sit down with a group of them and start spilling out all the stories I have with the old unit. It's just a feeling, they can change in a heart beat. Which isn't bad. Alright. Alright I'm going to end this log, I am just rambling at this time.

 

07/13/2998: Hell, it's about time.

 

07/21/2998: I guess I'm writing again, it's been a long time but it's a good thing. This is where I can place my thoughts but...I have an issue that I cant seem to work out. It's being social. I don't understand how anyone can be so social. Maybe it's just myself who has changed so much coming from the 88th and back to the 112th, It's different to say the least. I know almost no one which in itself isn't a bad thing, but it's also not a good thing. Good men and women die, it's a fact of life. And so I've seen all of their names on that little plate, wondering. How the hell did I make it out alive for so long. I guess I'll never know. I do wish a few of the old mates were still here but it's a new age. New troopers to teach. New lessons to learn. I always have to ask myself. Am I doing the right thing? Am I doing the best I can for these men and women? Truly. I cannot answer that myself. Time. Time will tell if I am doing the right thing. . 

 

09/11/2298: Small update to myself I guess. I've shockingly made a few new friends. Bently, I have to say I rather enjoy speaking to that man. But it's..nice to help around again. People are starting. Yet slowly. To listen to my advise. Honestly what more can I say? The dead have risen from their graves and good lord does that scare the hell out of me, just think about that for a moment you put a bullet in a body and they're dead. Good. They're dead. BUT NO. The bugs have SOME HOW made it so the fucking dead bodies can rise up again and try to eat your damn face off. Erugh. I hate it.

 

01/26/2299: I think I've finally moved on. After so many years of feeling guilty, I have moved on. I have found my calling once more. Stripes or not I love teaching each and every trooper on this ship. I feel important, cared for, people listen and laugh with me now. But I was also talking to someone else who brought up a point of how they felt lonely. It dawned on me. I feel pretty lonely too. Not that I don't have new friends, because I do. I've adopted a few of them under my wing. Call a few my son. Hartwick and Zeem are my two sons I never had. I treat them as my own. I care for so many of these young troopers now. They're like my family even if they don't know who I am. Or talk to me. I have this sense of duty in my heart that I can guide them to live, to make it out of this war in a tip top shape. That's my goal at the end of the day. If I die? I hope someone can carry my stories of all those who fell, and keep teaching the newer generations of this horrible war all the things they learned through me. Through the pain the had to go through to get to where they are today.  I'm not unhappy anymore, I'm honestly happy. But there is this sense of loneliness that dawns over me. For what reason I cannot say. That, in itself bugs me, frustrates me to no end because I don't want to feel this way. I do not want to drive only into my work like I have in my past, but I can move forward. Though Poppy is not here, I can say I have moved on. I think. Not sure. Maybe. We shall see if I get my heart strings pulled. To finish this log off. I cannot wait to see this new generation and how they will move forward. I just hope I can keep up. 

 

02/02/2299: The more and more I interact with the troopers, the more I see myself smiling, the happier I feel. Hell I've even noticed the change in myself. I have this drive now, going forward. Rank doesn't matter to me. But training these young troopers has been my whole goal. It's been paying off, I've seen so many grow. So many have started to just sit down with me and want to see how they can better themselves. Perhaps coming back wasn't a mistake. I know I always talk about the past, well. No I used to. I've started to move forward as a person. Letting go off all that emotional baggage I had no right to carry. I've accepted their deaths though painful. Was not my fault. I've pushed so many troopers to better themselves. -- I guess it..rubbed off on me. I'm honest to god happy now days, I laugh, I smile, I care about their well beings. To all good things it ends slightly. Some of me also still feels that sense of being lonely. I cannot pin point what is driving this feeling to me. I can only wonder if it is the lack of having a partner on the ship, which isn't horrible. I guess talking about my past with Flowers brought up the memories of having that. Having someone to lean on. We shall see in time.

 

02/03/2299: Good lord I'm writing more and more logs just for fun at this point. I have so much to talk about and yet no one to listen. I feel as if I am bothering those around me. But it still has been eating away at me. No matter what happens or what questions they ask. The memories of my old friends come up and make me realize that I miss having close friends. You can only talk to an officer so much, and now days those I grew up with or once guided have reached that high in the ranks. Sometimes I think to myself, what would have happened if I was to never go to the Pathfinder program? Would I have been an officer? Would I have died? Would I have been able to save my friends? There are somethings in life we should never know, and I think it's safe to say I never will. Because I picked this path for a reason. It may have taken four years, but I think I finally know my role within the Federation. I can teach all I want, but it's passing on the memories of those who have fallen before us that keeps them living. Such as Vond with her lollipops. Which I want on record. On federation documents that she STOLE my stash so many years ago! It was under my floor board and she found them, started to pass them off giving her own little gimmick. And Winters. He and I met through being cheated by the same partner. Ironic but we kept to be close friends after that. War couldn't even take us apart... And Dimov.. Dimov was an old timer, he made a few mistakes here and there but he wanted nothing but the best for everyone. I could keep rambling about those names on the walls but. I cannot pin point my depression as to why I am sad and this sense of lonely pit in my chest. I have friends. I have wonderful new friends and people who I treat as if they are my own children, I am finally what feels like a father. Something in life I didn't know I wanted so badly. It's a nice feeling. I think I might retire one day, if I ever become an officer. I think I'll retire after my first few terms. Captain. Captain sounds like a nice rank to end my time in the Mobile Infantry at. But I say that now, Don't I? I could have stopped this little game of War eight years ago. I said I was going to get out once I got my citizenship. I'm still here today.  Yet I am happy, sad, confused, content and just..moving forward. I don't think I've ever written two logs together just a day apart. I guess I have more on my mind than I once thought. This log is getting long. I think I'm going to end it here. 

 

02/09/2299: I'm not sure why I'm writing this, sitting in my room. I think I just need to write, see what's truly on my mind. A prank was played on me a few days ago, someone in third platoon thought it was funny to mail me an urn. A joke, yes. But the memories I have now of my wife haunt me. I still, cannot forgive myself for not being there for her. I knew the risks of being a Pathfinder, I knew the risks of leaving the unit but..I did it anyways. Back then it was a different time. I was to be transferred out anyways. I'm glad now days a married couple can stay on the ship. Wish I could have been part of that. Perhaps I am rather somber right now, the urn. The talk of  valentines day coming up. Don't get me wrong I am not unhappy, in fact. I've made a grand little crew. Hawthorne, Taylor, Miller. A small team I love to talk about, making me smile and laugh all the time. Even if Miller has a bad habit of bumping into me on the drops, I'll let it pass. - The good that came out of the talks of romance, is knowing that I am not alone. Taylor seems to have found himself a partner, Hawthorne not so much. If you ask me she is content on her own. But this is the Federation, let alone the Mobile Infantry where people just want to feel something in the times of war. And...war. This.. I fear is coming up once more, a big war. Not the civil war not to that scale. But one with the group of the Black Cross. If our first engagement was to tell anything...well I fear for my men. I will train them the best I can, I will give me life if I must. I fear for this next peer to peer war. What of the bugs? They've gone rather silent. As, we've fought yes. But why haven't they made any big moves? It's small bases, small fobs, and just...nothing major. The bugs are not dumb, do not ever think for a moment they are. It's one step at a time while we move forward. -- I've side tracked myself. I know I'm just writing my thoughts down but still. If there is a war to be fought, I will lead with all my heart and soul to keep those safe. Maybe I am the father of the unit right now, I don't mind being called dad by the troopers. Don't take that the wrong way. Perhaps it is because I lost my child before I was ever able to become a father. Is that why I care about these troopers so much? To protect something I never had the chance to do? That..might explain a few things. I know my heart will break if I lose one of these troopers. Each of them are so young, so bold in what they do. But some are foolish and wish to fight something larger than themselves. Which isn't..bad but it's not good either. We shall see how far we can get. How much more time I have on the clock. Hopefully it's a fair bit. I have a lot I still wish to do.

 

02/17/2299: So much on my mind, and yet nothing at all. As in my logs before the sense of loneliness I think was pinpointed after a long day of talking. Christ I missed having good talks over the days. I've gained new friends as well but it...It's something a long the lines of. I'm not happy? I guess. Allow me explain? I guess from what they've been saying I am depressed. Hiding it with my work, I'm not sure if that's right but it could work in a way. Bently and Parker have been stressing to me that I need to open up, find a partner like I used to. I don't think I can, which I can already tell you Parker is going to yell at me for thinking in that mindset. She hits quite hard. But this brings me to the main topic of this log. How I was wrong. How I do honestly wish to have a partner and god does it pain me to not have one. But what can I do? How do I even open myself up in that way to anyone anymore. Parker has nothing been more than helpful, even so far as to have a mock date with me to get some practice in... Why she helps me so much I will never understand. All I know is that I'm grateful for her to be part of my life now.

 

02/19/2299: You ever look at someone, and just know that you're going to understand the shit they've gone through? Or how that when you talk things feel nice and calm even though you've had one hell of a day but them being there for you makes it all better? I have a few of those people in my life. Taylor, Parker mostly. They care so much about me and I can't pin as to why. A few jokes have been passed around about how Taylor and I act, I find it funny. He makes me laugh, makes me feel human in a way. How I used to be as a Lance. It's a good feeling. -- Parker. Is more of a touchy subject. As her emotions as well as my own have been..at odds in a way. It doesn't change how calm she makes me feel, soothing our talks are even if she's upset with me. I wonder if she's still mad. I hope not. Is this worthy of a log? Does anyone even read these? Perhaps I'm just writing this for my own sanity. It sure does make me feel good. I really do need to sit down and talk this out, but how, who? I know people would listen but I just don't see how it could work out. I think writing is better, is it as healthy? Eh. Maybe. -- Right back on track. My feels are all out of wack. This alone upsets me because I thought I was over these emotions. But they seem to have flooded back in full force, making life a bit harder than I once thought. Shit I've even asked advise to the ones on the ship I know that are in a relationships. I know...I know I shouldn't have these emotions in my head but god damn is it hard to let go, life isn't fair and that's okay. I just wish it wasn't so confusing.  Does it feel good though? Yes. God it feels great to feel these emotions again but it's just so confusing. Annoying when people misunderstand it too. Like how Bently and Parker took Saint-Laurent and my friendship in the wrong way. Thinking it as...romantic feelings. As much as I love Saint-Laurent. It's hardly on a romantic level, she's sweet to me, lets me vent to her. Calming my mind too. And plus, her office is super nice. Get to take naps on her couch. This brings me to another point. Why does the Mobile Infantry want me to go on a date so badly all of the sudden, I didn't think I looked so Lonely. Though I was wrong, I guess people saw right through the mask I had on. Perhaps I was too cheerful, ah well. I'm content, yet worried I'm going to walk into my Barracks with a romantic dinner set up with a whole "Surprise!" Date kind of deal... We shall see...in time.

 

03/04/2299: Not all drops go well, sometimes we loose troopers, others suffer from a limb being blown off. - Or it could be one of the rare kinds of trama, Mental. A few days ago I was on a drop and the poor Neo-Dog Handler lost his dog which is a problem. Little did we know the problems that was to follow after words. My little trip in my mental hell was seeing my wife Poppy. She called out to me, begged me to come back to her and I wanted to so..so badly. - There was nothing in this world holding me back while I tried to run after her. But Not all things end in a fairy tale. As I ran she always was further, Screaming my name. I was going insane. God I wanted her back so badly. I want to have her just for one last moment in my life to say goodbye. Something I never did. Something I couldn't  have done. When the Handler was done, with our mental hell. I snapped back to the real world. This is where the real log starts. I came back to my normal state with a hole in my chest, the one I thought I had gotten rid of so long ago. I was wrong. I'm love sick. I'm depressed. But I cannot let this hold me down. Burke noticed I was off and took me aside, we spoke about it. Others have more faith I will find a partner. I've noticed a lot of my logs are about this feeling. Knowing now I truly am love sick, I think helps. I've accepted that I am. I am not lonely rather I have friends. Loving friends who would do anything for me. And I them. Love. Though. Love is a fickle thing. Isn't it?

 

 

 

 

 

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5 hours ago, Archer said:

i guess you should remove maldin from the dead list

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8 month PK reversal, motherfucker

they left, so does it really matter?

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add swift

the guy who made holtz cry in their first meeting

the guy who made holtz go back to drinking

add swift

the best guy

  • Optimistic 1

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the omission from speech or writing of a word or words that are superfluous or able to be understood from contextual clues.

if u has anymore questions, feel free to ask

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On 8/16/2017 at 7:06 PM, MrGoodMeme said:

the omission from speech or writing of a word or words that are superfluous or able to be understood from contextual clues.

if u has anymore questions, feel free to ask

I think it's more my style of writing where I add words and shit. - Where I have the Grave Yard more as a voice recording but typed down. 

 

Like the talk to text bull shit.

That's just me. 

 

So it's not for everyone. 

 

I can fix it up if it truly bothers you that much.

9 hours ago, Bohannon said:

Add A. Thacker?

I'll be adding her soon. - In fact right now. 

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4 hours ago, radical roach said:

update it with holtz's dishonourable discharge

 

4 hours ago, Archer said:

a washout tho

 

6 hours ago, F r a n c o said:

but he isnt transfered, or retired, or dead

 

Thank you for the comments, that are Oh-so-needed on this profile. 

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